Raw truth

I suffer with depression and have done for over half my life, there has been good and bad times. In the last 5 years it has been mostly good in the aspect that yes I have had bad days but for the most part I have been able to manage those times, and see that it is just a bad moment in life and things will start looking up in no time, I have been diagnosed with a prolactinoma (None cancerous brain tumour) which effects me most days, I have also been diagnosed with a trapped nerve in my abdomen, and that has got to the point where they are at a loss of what to do because I am unable to take the medication that they would suggest for that, so we are at a point of finding was to manage and live with the pain that I get from that. And some days are harder to deal with, with everything that is going on. And almost 2 years I have been able to cope with the ups and downs of life, until a couple of weeks ago, I honestly felt that I had no control over everything that I was feeling and the only way that I felt that I had control was by cutting, yes I know not healthy. But I was in control, and that made me feel a little bit more normal, but also very very disappointed in myself, as I had gone for such a long time, feeling these emotions but being able to see the bigger picture and being able to cope with my emotions. I have beat myself up a bit over the last couple weeks after cutting. I am actively getting support from my GP and other health care people at my GPS office. It is definitely an up hill battle, bit I am in this til the bitter end, and I am working on other ways to cope when I am in that space, including reaching out to people that I know I can trust, sometimes it is hard to be that open and honest with people, because of the fear of judgement, but what one needs to remember is those that love you will only want to help you through these tough times. They will love and support you regardless how bad you feel, I know that in those moment and times it's hard to see that, but trust me as someone that has been there many times and always come out the other side they just want to help you get to the light at the end of the tunnel.